A very important day in history, the Supreme Court ruled on Prop8 (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/California_Proposition_8_(2008)) in CA and the President nominated a Hispanic woman to the Supreme Court (http://www.nytimes.com/2009/05/27/us/politics/27court.html). There is no shortage of real talk news today. The nomination of nation’s first Hispanic justice, judge Sonia Sotomayor is again attestation for one minority group that the scales will balance eventually, unfortunately the gay community while looking for such attestation themselves were let down by the ruling of the CA Supreme Court to uphold Prop8.
As I deconstruct gay marriage I know that many of you will cringe and curse and maybe refuse to read on but I urge you to read it all with an open mind. You may just see things a little different.
Marriage as defined by the church is the spiritual union of two that become one. In Nigerian tradition, marriage is the union of families as a daughter passes from one family to the other. In either case you still have to go to the local court house to get permission and approval to be married, you know sign the contract of partnership that is witnessed and marked with a state seal. Likewise divorce; regardless of if the church permits or the families agree, without a decree absolute from the court there can be no divorce. Accordingly you have to be married by law for you to enjoy the access and privileged granted by law to married couples. These include tax exemptions, health and death benefits, your say in absence of an advance directive for healthcare etc. These benefits, positive or negative have nothing to do with ones religion or tradition, beliefs or skepticisms. On this point I say, why then should gay couples be denied the right to be married by law? Think about this for a second, the gay community for years has had ceremonies that define their unions as do our religious and traditional ceremonies, all that is being asked for here is the right to be married by law so they to can partake in the benefits that are extended to opposite-sex couples, not to take over your religions or traditions but just to include them in the legal definition of marriage. After all there is supposed to be such a thing as separation of church and state along with all equal under law. The concept of homosexuals being a silent outcaste group in society is fast disappearing even at home in Nigeria. With such inevitable change we have to learn acceptance that change has come and find away to live harmoniously with it all.
As for the courts ruling, I do believe they made the right choice, when people go to the polls to cast their ballot; their word has to be upheld. Right now the majority heterosexual population is opposing based on their religious and cultural persuasions’. The gay community needs to work harder to educate the state on why they are fighting to be married by law. A more focused campaign will hopefully win them victory next time around on the ballot. Maybe even relinquish the term marriage for those that have held it sacred for many many years and let all couples, opposite or same be given a new term to define the contract of partnership that is recognized by the law.
Unless someone can tell me that my church will be required to marry same sex couples I really could care less who moseys down to the local court house to get a marriage license. As we all know marriage is not for the faint hearted.
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I am a Nigerian woman, like so many living away from home in a world that sometimes conflicts with what feels natural to us. We are constantly saying "we no dey do like so" I wonder how we can blend the best of both worlds, our heritage and culture with the ideals of the west to make the best choices for ourselves and our children.
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I think it is important that we start to have these discussions. The world our kids live in tomorrow will be much changed from today as is ours compared to our parents, more distinct will be the degree of change.
ReplyDeleteI once had a chat with a guy who said that being gay is as a result of a demonic spirit that can be prayed out of an individual. I had to say are you kidding me? Those of us who grew up in Nigeria know at least one effeminate male we grew up with. The guy who had a little sway in his walk and hanged his hand in a peculiar way. We never thought gay because we didn’t know the word but we knew he was like a “lady” and we found it quite amusing. I wonder what went on in their minds, did they struggle with attraction, did they not get the testosterone charged gab of the Nigerian male, did they ever think there was a dimension to their life that was unfulfilled. By and large they are now grown with families but those who may have escaped the shores of Nigeria for sure found out that “lady” is gay and that it is real and that they are not alone. This unspoken taboo in our society that has now been criminalized by out courts (a discussion for another day) has been part of the world from time immemorial. Whether one thinks it is a sin or it just simply goes against the grain of nature there is no getting away from that fact that this taboo is fast moving into the mainstream even in Nigeria.
On a comical note, now the race is not just on between “sisi” and all the other swift and smart chicks; now she has to worry about some pretty boys too. :)