Christmas

A few weeks ago, just as the holidays started my 3 year old said after watching a Christmas themed commercial “mummy I want to go to Christmas” I remember smiling just because it was so cute; what he said. I smiled at him and said “don’t worry baby Christmas is coming here”, “ok” he replied seeming quite content with my answer. I wondered what Christmas meant to him and as the days passed by it was obvious that he had started making the connection, Christmas = presents, after all everyone keeps asking “what do you want from Santa?” Of course I start to worry about how my son thinks of the holidays, I want him to understand that this is the time we celebrate the birth of Jesus, The Son of God.

All this got me thinking, what does Christmas really mean these days? It is the day Christians celebrate the birth of Jesus and it is also the day of giving gift; the grand commercialization of Christmas. So many parents running from pillar to post trying to check off as much as possible from their children’s list to Santa, turning on the extended line of credit if need be; it seems to be the norm. I actually talked to one parent who sees no other way out. I don’t know about that, my oldest is only 3 and all he wanted was ‘present’, so maybe when ‘present’ turn to Nintendo DX or Air Jordans limited edition I’ll change my tune. But for now, I think it is absolutely ludicrous that children today are raised with such a sense of entitlement that parents see not being able to provide these gifts at Christmas as a sign of their inability to be a good parent. What is the worst that would happen to a kid who doesn’t get all they want, I can imagine they will survive; I did! What ever happened to living within ones means? I strongly believe that kids should get gifts for Christmas; you can teach the spirit of giving and sharing which is part of the season’s message. However Parents shouldn’t be breaking the bank to get the gifts, teach from a tender age that giving what you can is always enough and kids will grow up knowing that in whatever they have their parents have done their best. If you decide to keep up with the Jones’ then don’t be mad when the mini-you you have raised always expects and demands more.

I hope you had a Merry Christmas and Best Wishes for The New Year`

The Man List

As a teenager & in my early 20’s the list of must haves in a man was so long: he had to be tall, handsome, ‘GQesque’, romantic, intelligent, well read, exposed, fit, driven, successful, rich, of course a great lover, a good listener, thoughtful, God fearing & church going and of course he must be madly in love with me. If we all put our lists together I can only imagine how many foolscap sheets we would need. Now many years later when I think of this list I break into a smile knowing that it did not have to be so long, plus finding the perfect fit is the tallest order.
Let’s analyze: things like tall dark and handsome translate into attraction and maybe the attraction will be more than skin deep ergo beautiful girl dates ugly man. Rich and successful vs. thoughtful and caring in my book thoughtful and caring wins every time because anyone can become rich and successful but being thoughtful and caring; either he is or he is not. Many times with list in hand we very quickly eliminate a man because he doesn’t look the part or act the part we created in our dream and many times we date a guy simply because he does, forgetting that more than a resume makes for a good relationship. Not to say we should forget the list completely (we can never do that) but we really should focus on those things that reflect the heart of the man as opposed to those that reflect the size of his ego. Time and time again we have seen and heard of beautiful looking couples that fall apart in no time, I used to wonder how that can be, now I know better. Whereas there is no single answer to that question we do have the responsibility to ourselves to do the best we can to mitigate unfulfilled marriages and the rising divorce rate in our generation. No matter how strong and independent we woman are there is certain comfort and security that arises from knowing that you are loved by your man so remember this next time you are armed with your list.

The Sins Of The Father

A few weeks ago, I got to chatting with a guy visiting the US from Nigeria, somehow we ended up on a religious topic and I must say he made the most alarming insinuation. I paraphrase: God creates perfection at conception everything after is in the hands of man. For example a drug addict gets pregnant and is blessed with a perfect conception but when that child is born with complications that are a direct result of the mother’s addiction, said complications are on the head of the mother. Though there is logical sense in this analogy his statement spares no circumstance, afterall the bible says “Thou shalt not bow down thyself to them, nor serve them: for I the LORD thy God am a jealous God, visiting the iniquity of the fathers upon the children unto the third and fourth generation of them that hate me” (Exodus 20:5). This is the very verse his argument is weighted on. Being a Christian liberal, I find more humor in this for I cannot begin to see the sense it makes, I accused him of quoting his pastor and urged him to take the time to think about it for real. This is one of those things about religion that is not black and white as we are sometimes made to think. In my view it is impossible to assume every misfortune or complication that involves a child to be spiritually based; a curse being visited upon the child because of some sin committed by a father or mother. If infact this is the case then shouldn’t all believers be affected afterall we are all sinners. If any church is preaching this then it is wrong and potentially self destructive to the family. For people who are ‘glamoured’ by a pastor will no doubt blame themselves and their forefathers, sparing neither expense nor effort to atone.

Why some women cannot have children, why some children are born deformed, why there are hereditary diseases and genetic mutations that cause complications we may never truly know. What we do know is that science and medicine can explain the cause and the source maybe even the fix and religion will give us faith and strength to get through it all. But the answer to the question “why me?” will always be a mystery and should not be simplified to a sin and a curse.